Lack of love, Trust, Emotional understanding from family ,push youngsters to find love and support outside.

• News By : Web Desk
• 2022-12-11 11:57:43

Hyderabad: 11 Dec 2022: My sister asked me once if it was possible to never get over something and I sat with her for a long time and told her that it was. I couldn't sleep when I was 17. I remember how the soft cotton felt against my skin and how the dark room put me to ease. I laid there for five hours, my eyes closed but never asleep. When I opened my eyes, I could see the morning light and prepare for school with my back and body and heart aching. The thought of night terrified me. It felt like it would get better. When I was 18, I was diagnosed with severe depression. I read in my room and closed the windows. My friends dropped by to meet and talk. When they laughed, I wondered if I would ever laugh heartily like them. I would give a half-hearted smile and write about it in my diary. I thought it was so painful that I would never get used to this feeling. When I reached 21, I kissed a boy who I shouldn't have kissed. It was more crashing than falling. His wistful eyes were the reason for my poetry. I knew when I first met him that I would never recover. Why? Because every time I love something, I let it consume me in its entirety. Leaving him was the most difficult thing that I had to do. I thought my heart would never heal, never learn to love again... When I reached 24, I found myself in an eternal hell of not knowing what I wanted to do and what I should do. I sat writing for hours, knowing fully in my heart that I will never be able to write all that I feel. I will never be able to shape words exactly as they are in my mind. All I have are thoughts and I can't even express them properly. My vocabulary is limited, my mind is tired. I have not read all the books that I wanted to, and life is too exhausting to live. I thought I would never get over this feeling but when I look back, I realize that I have been feeling this way for a lot of things. I thought I would never get a sound sleep but I woke up today after 8 hours of sleeping. I still felt like I could sleep some more. I don't stay up all night waiting for morning to arrive. I don't know if I am entirely happy but I know that I laugh with my whole heart now without noticing.
I go out with my friends and crack jokes. It feels so unlike me when I compare myself to back when I was 20. Depression hasn't left my side but it's better now. I have learnt to live with it, to survive it. I know things will eventually be okay. The boy who I fell in love with at 21 is not in my head and my heart anymore. The memories I have still linger and sometimes, I find myself thinking about him. But days go by and I don't miss him. Days go by and I don't love him. I am with someone new now. A warmer, comfortable, and safe kind of love. A love that you can turn to on your bad days, a love that you never want to part with because it is the closest to home you have ever felt. And I am 25 now. A year has made a lot of difference. I know at least what I don't want to do. I know where I don't want to invest my energy. I am sure I will be able to find my way before I turn 26. Things are still happening and I am still learning. But yes, I still remember the wounds I got along the way and their scars remain like cracks in my soul. So, I tell my sister that it's possible that I won't get over a lot of things. Maybe, we don't get over all the things that once hurt us but it gets better. Our hearts heal and we pass through time and learn to give up on the things that we desperately wanted to remember because we know now that sometimes holding on only makes you bleed and it's okay to look after your heart. Some day, we will write a poem and sing a song and open all the windows and cook our favourite dishes and realize that life eventually does get okay, even if today feels like another endless heartache everything passes, give it a little time

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